Ruthie Graham McCray: Firstborn Love, Faithful Heart, and Generations of Sweetness

Family profile adapted from the memories of her grandchildren: Leon, Mildred, Joe, Charlie, Melvin, Robert, John, and Sandra Raye.

Curated by Kathleen A. Tucker (aka Kat) Her Proud Great Niece

Born on October 30, 1906, Ruthie Graham McCray was the firstborn of the twelve children of Mack and Ada Graham—and with that came a quiet responsibility and strength that stayed with her for life. As the eldest sibling, she helped carry the weight of a growing family but never seemed burdened by it. Instead, Ruthie poured herself into others—one act of kindness, one homemade dessert, and one hug at a time.

To her family, she was Mama, Grandma, Aunt Ruthie, or just Ruth—but no matter what you called her, you felt the love she gave freely and without condition. She was a natural nurturer, a woman whose hands knew the rhythm of care, whether it was mixing pudding from scratch or smoothing out the feelings of a grandchild who needed protecting.

Every time she prepared to leave Bell City for St. Louis, she made rice pudding—always from scratch, always just right. It was her signature sendoff, a warm goodbye wrapped in comfort and sweet cream. Her first cup of coffee in the morning came with a knowing smile and sometimes a gentle nudge: “Stop sucking your thumb,” she’d say with affection, recalls a grandchild. She didn’t just correct; she cared.

Ruthie was the kind of grandmother who showed up. She made sure to visit every summer, Thanksgiving, and even spring break, staying through New Year's and always leaving behind a house full of laughter and the smell of homemade cookies, pies, cakes, and other treats. She never measured ingredients—she just knew. Her cooking was a ministry of sorts, a love language passed down through the taste buds of generations.

She had five sons and two daughters, and wherever she was—whether in Topeka or St. Louis—like a family reunion her children would be sure to gather, holding tightly to the woman who taught them the value of staying connected. Her home, whether on Delmont or elsewhere, became a meeting place—a gathering ground for love.

She loved her siblings deeply, and would tell stories about Aunt Lela, Aunt Dell, and Aunt Willie. Through her eyes, her grandchildren met the rest of the Graham family. She made sure of it. She believed in family and taught that love was shown through presence, care, and unity. You could see it in the way she smiled, in the way she made sure you were fed, and in the way she hugged you tight.

Though sweet and gentle, she wasn’t afraid to set a child straight. “I was hardheaded,” one grandchild remembers, “but she showed me she really loved me—even when she had to whoop my butt.” And that love never felt diminished—it grew deeper.

When Ruthie passed on January 16, 1977, nearly all of her children, siblings, and grandchildren were with her, except for her brother Felton and a handful of grandkids. Her family had gathered one last time. They filled her room, gave her their love, and received one final gift in return—a smile and a tear on her cheek, as if to say: I see you. I feel you. And now I can rest.

Ruthie Graham McCray was more than the firstborn—she was the family’s compass, its sweetness, and its faithful heart. And the love she gave so freely? We’re still passing it on.